LOL, Oh Grad School

It’s after 10 pm, and as I begin a huge assignment that’s due tomorrow, I have just come across a paper that I wrote for a class in the first two weeks of the grad program I am suddenly two weeks from completing. It’s sort of sad but funny to see just how far I have not come.

Rekindling the (Writing) Flame

In describing my relationship to writing, there are too many possible ways to begin; we share a passionate yet tumultuous history. I suppose I should skip the part where my first grade teacher allowed me to sit out during class lessons, encouraging me instead to cultivate my poetry and short stories. That I won first place in a local contest with the story of a princess who befriends her hero rather than marrying him doesn’t belong in a graduate level paper concerning academic writing. Yet I’d like to linger there a bit longer, savoring the memory of young love, when writing was fun, relaxed, and fulfilling, our bond not yet strained by the weight of high expectations, personal shortcomings, or outsiders seeking to control the terms of our relationship. Suffice to say somewhere along the way, those obstacles—those normal aspects of the education system—emerged, things cooled down, and the relationship became on-again, off-again, at times more serious than others but also never truly over. There’s been blogging, two years of consulting at the writing center, and a devastating failed honors thesis. Today, as a graduate student, I realize that it’s time we work out our differences and commit for the long run. That, or call it quits.

Dreaming of Portugal

I’m about to either a) pull an all nighter or b) go to sleep and wake up in a few hours very stressed and very screwed.

So what do I do about it?

Post some pictures of Etsy decor, obviously.

This is the kind of stuff I’m thinking about lately, with the caveat that I would pair it–and not necessarily all of it–with the wood furniture and neutral textiles I already own. Sort of organic. Relaxed. Colorful. Happy. Less retro/glamorous/MCM/vintage/or even shabby chic than I’ve been drawn to in the past. I’m still enamored with the same styles I’ve posted previously in recent months (here, here and here–if you scroll down), and what I’ve decided about my taste is that if I keep coming back to something–despite the constant influx of images and styles and sounds and ideas I encounter daily–I must really, really like it. (That goes for a lot more in my life than just art and design.) The point is, this small Lisbon, Portugal apartment, which I’ve posted before, is exactly where I’d like to be right now. Maybe it’s because I’ve been so stressed out, but all I want is a home that feels peaceful, cheery, and organized. Preferably with open windows, balmy weather, curtains gently blowing in the breeze, and nothing to do but read a book for pleasure, or maybe nothing to do at all…

By the way, I must thank Etsy’s “Get the Look” feature for giving me a lot of great ideas lately. [Edited to add: some other inspiration has come from An Indian Summer, as I’ve previously mentioned, Rang Decor, and LA in Bloom, which I’ve also posted about before after falling in love with this Closet Visit (I was happy to find additional photos on Design*Sponge too).]

So, some of the items I bookmarked on Etsy this morning include:

Follow Your Dreams — 5 X 7 ART PLAQUE — Ready To Hang
Steven James Keathley
$12.50
I’d love a large painting by this artist, but a small print would be nice too.

Mixed Media Stained Glass Mosaic Art Mirror Blue and Yellow
Low Bridge Artworks
$145
I had a hard time picking a favorite mirror from this shop and I’m still not convinced I was able to.

Compote pedestal fruit bowl… in azure.
Jeanette Zeis Ceramics
$64

Moroccan Bubbles- 30 Graphics- item 10027 (Removable wall decals!)
Byrdie Graphics
$52

Tuscany, Italy Travel Poster
Jhill Design
$45

The next three items are from High Street Market:

Vintage McCoy green greek key planter
$22

Custom made chinoiserie chintz silk throw pillow, 15″ x 18″
$58

Custom made GREEK KEY throw pillow 18 x 18 with down insert — in black, green, or tan
$58

I’m happy to see I’m still loving blue and green after two years–I’ve got plenty of stuff in those colors.

Anyway, s’pose that’s all for now. It’s almost 1am and it’s time for me to, well, work.

PS – I had my Master’s project defense last week, it went well, I took no photos, and I haven’t had a chance to enjoy that accomplishment yet. All in due time.

Ebb and Flow

If it isn’t obvious, I haven’t been much in the mood for blogging here lately. I’m so incredibly busy with my final semester of graduate school (which includes doing my MA project, balancing two jobs, and serving on a conference committee on top of classes) that I don’t have the time or inspiration. I’d say I’m in a funk. I know this kind of thing has an ebb and flow and I’m sure this won’t be the case for long, but goodness, as of now, I’m trying desperately to climb out of the hole I’m in–just so many humongous tasks to accomplish, so many I’ve fallen behind in, so many more to come in the next few months. My stress has turned into a lot of fear and the fear has turned into avoidance, and now I’m finally trying to conquer some of the stuff I’ve been avoiding.

One thing I have realized is that while I really can’t do anything to make my life less stressful right now beyond conquering my to-do list–there’s just no getting out of all my current obligations–in the future, I will never again spread myself so thin. I have no idea what’s going to happen when I graduate. Will I find a job? If so, will it be a career-oriented one, or something less serious? Will I move back in with my parents? Will I be able to do any traveling? Only time will tell. But whatever the case, I am going to focus more on making myself happy and healthy. (Really I’ve already started, but it’s not fun yet–it’s work. For one thing, I’m finally attempting to overcome my driving phobia and learn how to drive.)

Here are some pictures that cheer me up, all from the fabulous blog An Indian Summer. They’re just all so beautiful. I’ll be keeping these in mind wherever I move next. I love the idea of combining bold colors and patterns with minimal “stuff.”

2am And I Have A Morning Hair Appointment

• Courses I wish I could take in the spring: The Golden Age of Children’s Literature (I really want this).  The University. Films of the 1950s. Vampire Cinema. Internet Literature.
• It’s getting cold outside. I haven’t missed my broken iPod too much, but when it begins to get dark early and I’m waiting for the bus at night, music makes an otherwise unpleasant experience bearable, pleasant, sometimes even cinematic.
• Since I plan on signing up for driver’s ed in the spring, I’ve decided I want to write about the process, document it. 25 year old feminist, graduating with a Master’s degree, overcomes phobia, learns how to drive, gets new lease on life, has some laughs and sheds some tears along the way. That’s how I expect (hope?) it will go.
• My sister should find out soon if she’s been accepted to my school. Crossing my fingers that she’ll be living in the same town as me by January. Wishing she and I could do this. It’s exactly the kind of life I daydream about when I imagine a different path for myself. I have no idea if it actually appeals to my sister.
• I’ve been invited to the skip Teach for America phone interview (round two of the application process) and proceed to round three, the in-person interview.
• Dying to bake this weekend. A cake. Something I don’t have much experience doing.
  

Keepin’ It Simple, Keepin’ It Real

Today it was just over 90 degrees. So much for an amazing October, Florida! Okay, I’m only half-heartedly complaining. Sure I’d love for it to be slightly cooler, just enough that I don’t feeling my lotion dripping down my body, intermingled with sweat, by noon. Or maybe even cool enough that I could justify wearing a sweater. But don’t get cold on me now.

I wore:

Wait. That’s not me. Get out of the way, Herman! That’s just like him, always wanting to be in the center of things.

That’s better.

Short-sleeved lace shirt; see-through, worn over a tank top – Second-hand from a consignment shop
Denim capris (is “capris” the right word here?) – Express
Tan wedges; never caught at a good angle in pictures – Target
Cameo necklace – Gift from my sister, Forever 21
Black and tan bag, which I use on a daily basis for school – Target

I’m sitting down to do my Teach for America letter of intent and plan to submit my application tonight. So much else to do on top of that, by tomorrow. Read a book. Write a response. Read four chapters out of another book.

Keep Coming Back

I’m posting some pictures from the film Amelie (and it’s not the first time) because I’ve recently been thinking about how my decorating taste always comes back to that movie. I can see a million rooms I love on design blogs and in magazines, but they never feel as warm and homey as that movie set does. I think there’s a pretty clear influence of Amelie in my own bedroom, except instead of all the red accented with green, I’ve got the intense green with a little red. I’m dreaming about red now, though.

These are just pictures I gathered from ’round the internet.

Epic

I haven’t had much creative inspiration in my life since school has really taken over lately. Hopefully soon I can go out and take some (film) pictures as Patrick recently discovered several new streets and corners of the neighborhood I’d never explored before, including a tree house. The area I live in is really, really, really amazing. My whole life I sighed with yearning as I passed through cool historic districts in various cities, and now that I live in one, surrounded by gorgeous old houses, majestic and quaint, well-kept and decaying, cheerful and foreboding, I still can’t get enough of them. When I have the time to stop and look around, that is.

The semester is over at the end of this month. I have much to do before then but at least there is that light at the end of the tunnel. Even though I still don’t know what summer will entail, no matter what happens, it will be a change of pace:

• My body is aching to amp up my exercise routine beyond walking with Herman–it wants to swim, run, dance, and do yoga.
• I’ve already contacted two organizations about volunteering with them after school lets out. Both are actually Catholic groups who do work on hunger issues. Patrick was raised Catholic (including going to Catholic school for K-12), but I’ve never stepped foot in a Catholic church. Anyway, these organizations seem to be doing  some of the coolest projects I’ve seen in Gainesville.
• I  was referred to the Habitat for Humanity group called “Women Build” by my intern supervisor. Apparently they train women in construction skills and I could really get down with that. I sent the local group and email and I’m waiting to hear back.
• Finally, today I got a positive response from an organization I applied for an internship with in NYC, and we’ll be arranging an interview in the next few weeks.
• It has suddenly occurred to me that I’d like to go camping.

So you can see why I’m anxious for summer to begin.

I guess I’m not as stripped of inspiration as I thought, I just haven’t had much time to indulge. So I wanted to post some of the stuff I’ve been looking at on the internet, since it put me in a good enough mood to sit and type all this optimistic summer nonsense. Which reminds me (how could I forget?), I bought a plane ticket to SCOTLAND today, for a 10-day trip in August on a group tour led by my grandparents (I’ll be rooming with a girl about my age I’ve met once).

Anyway, here goes:

I’ve watched this video from the blog of amazing Etsy jeweler singleBbeautiful more than once because it never ceases to amaze me. I cannot get over all the magical looking gadgets and tools and had no idea how complicated the process of creating beautiful jewelry is.

The next video is for the song Breathe Me, by Sia. It’s been in my head since they started using it in the trailers for, cough, that new Robert Pattinson movie. I originally posted the official video but then embedding was disabled, so here’s a video someone made using clips from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, my favorite movie of all time. [Update: Darn. Embedding is disabled for this one too. Well, click on through and see it for yourself, it’s worth it.]

This post on the therapeutic qualities of photography resonates with me, as I turned to photography as a way of coping mere moments after learning my father had passed away. My camera comforted me that entire awful day.

This post makes me believe that we can turn a local parking lot into a food-producing garden. It’s by a fellow Gainesvillian (?) whose blog I discovered through one of the aforementioned Catholic groups.

These lights are simple but beautiful.

This winter wedding in Norway feels not quite real to me. Too magical.

This home in Australia is cheerful and refreshing. Actually, I’ve been totally avoiding design and fashion related blogs and shops recently. They are a luxury that’s out of the question until I have more time on my hands again. I’m also somehow not in the mood to want things right now, nor to worry about improving my own home. However, despite all that, I happened to stumble across this anyway and really liked it.

This exhibit on Florida pioneers allows visitors to “touch, dip, pull, push, eat, sweat and have fun.”

All these sets of photos were taken by Ashley, a friend from high school, as she travels around the world.

Whisper. Videos.

This bathing suit from Target has nothing to do with the internet. I bought it this weekend and now I’m pumped to sneak into an apartment pool ’round here.

I guess that brings me to the real inspiration that has kept me going day after day recently: IT’S WARM OUTSIDE. Finally. Finally. Finally. I know that even though this was one of the coldest winters on record for Gainesville, the weather has been mild compared to many other states. But I’m not happy until the breeze blowing on my bare arms early or late in the day doesn’t give me goosebumps. And it’s finally getting there. Alleluia.

Now that I have all that off my chest, or out of my fingers, it’s time for bed. It was too early to justify going to sleep when I was tired earlier, but suddenly it’s almost midnight and I can’t believe it’s gotten so late.

Doing.

Over 4 weeks later, I am updating my to-do list.

1. Order all books I haven’t yet bought.
2. Create schedule, including time for working on homework and internship research, and stick to it.
3. Do all homework (reading and writing).
4. Clean house/ do laundry.
5. Start looking ahead to bigger assignments – final papers, presentations, etc.
6. Decide whether I’m doing a thesis or non-thesis project.
7. Come up with general topic, and read through literature I love to develop some kind of approach. Consider further involvement with my internship organization. Find adviser. Update grad coordinator.
8. Complete all steps for Canadian passport.
9. Submit all applications for upcoming scholarships and summer jobs. Check on fellowship money.
10. Make doctors’ appointments.
11. Find out about seeing grandparents in February.
12. Determine whether Scotland trip is possible.
13. Take Herman to vet. And on longer walks.
14. Cook meals ahead of time. Don’t let food go to waste.
15. Wake up earlier and get started earlier.
16. Try not to fantasize too much about running away from it all.

What a Pear

I’m going to pretend there’s not a hair in this picture. I swear it didn’t make it into the food.

Anyway, I made baked pears (with cinnamon and nutmeg) yesterday. Pretty yummy, I just wish we’d had colder weather to enjoy a warm, fall-appropriate breakfast.

Life is craaazy right now! Just wanna read my fun books, cook, decorate, play with Herman, and go to the park. I am really trying to remind myself that if I weren’t in school I’d be working, so I might as well enjoy the flexibility of being a student. But man I could use a change. For real. My heart just isn’t in it; I’m doing things because I have to and not because I want to. I’m not going with my classmates to a conference in Atlanta because frankly I could use time in other ways. I’m certainly not going above and beyond with my own reading and writing as a scholar should.

One thing I look forward to is possibly doing an internship to replace a class in the spring; I’m looking at Florida Organic Growers among other possible organizations. I just feel very tired (of school) right now. Not “over it,” just desperate for a true break where I don’t feel stressed out.

It Starts with Step One…Right?

I had this teacher in 7th grade, an English teacher, whose slightly older daughter was on my swim team. Junior high was a rough transition for me, and her class was the first one I truly fell behind in, earning poor grades. I still remember her bragging about how her daughter would wake up on Saturday mornings and get *all* her homework done so that she had the rest of the weekend to have fun. To this day, thinking of her perfect, go-getter daughter triggers a mixture of jealousy and hatred deep within my soul. Maybe hatred is a strong word. Maybe not.

I go through some variation of this thought process on a daily basis:

Hmm, I really need to start writing for my independent study, but before I do that, I have got to do some exercise. I’d like to do yoga, but I can’t possibly do yoga in a messy apartment. Today I’ll clean, but only after I eat a light healthy meal to get off to a good start. Unfortunately, the kitchen is so dirty that I don’t have room to cook, so I’m stuck eating something packaged and crappy and now I feel lethargic. I’m still being productive if I keep looking for furniture on Craigslist, right? Even though I’ve already checked it today for four different cities. Wait, what did I get on the computer for? I’ve been wondering how this Twitter stuff works, maybe I’ll sign up today. Oooh, Ms. California has been fired. What’s a good recipe using cottage cheese? Crap, where has the time gone? I think I’m hungry again, and since I’m eating, I might as well watch TV for a little while.

…Meanwhile a sense of impending doom keeps my stomach in knots as the independent study never leaves the back of my mind. I do a little packing here, clean a couple of dishes there, and take Herman on walks that break up the day into meaningless, wasted segments of time.

I truly dream of the day when I wake up to a clean home, rise early, pop in the yoga DVD and have a refreshing workout, eat a fresh and healthy breakfast, begin my school work, tackle my other obligations rather than letting them build up and freak me out, and god forbid, spend time relaxing or doing something artistic without feeling guilty. I think the nice thing about moving is that–just as when a new year approaches–I have this very marked change coming. A distinct date in the near future when I’ll have a reason to start anew, to revitalize my life. We all know how those kinds of resolutions go, but hey, a girl can dream…

Alright, now I’m “off to clean.”