June Bug!

First of all, thank you to WordPress for featuring my previous post, “Dunder Mifflin, this is Toni” on Freshly Pressed. That was the second time WordPress has featured my blog; the first time was my “NYC! (Photo Dump).”

[Insert random photos of recent food here.]

Tomorrow I leave to go visit one of my oldest friends in Louisiana for a few days! We’ve decided it will be somewhat of a Martha Stewart weekend. My friend is excellent at baking, decorating, scrapbooking, and all things arts and crafts. When we were kids I loved spending time in her bedrooms because they were so pretty (we both moved from Missouri to Florida in the early 2000s and went to school together in both states!), and her scrapbooks were like masterpieces. I attempted to scrapbook in high school because of her and it. was. ugly. The captions alone are so bad I can never share them with anyone. Anyway, on this short trip, we will probably take on some artsy projects that she will excel at and I will fail at. And I can’t wait.

I’ve had some  fun and relaxing past few days, probably a little bit too much so for my own good. But I don’t regret it. This post-graduation “vacation” was much needed, or at least, much appreciated. I’ve been browsing through design books and murder mysteries, writing in my journal (of the non-digital sort) for the first time in 10 months, eating good food, spending time with friends and family, and more.

In my journal, I came across an entry from August 2009–a “Lifelong To-Do List” apparently inspired by Real Simple magazine that month (seriously, I love that magazine). After reading this post on the blog hithatsmybike (see her recent entries on spending a month in Paris, gah, amazing), I decided to post my 2009  list here.

And…Action

Just a quick update to say that since my last post in the last 3 days, I have, among other things:

• gone to an out-of-state job interview (where I was grilled by about 15-20 people over the course of 4 1/2 hours),
• passed my driver’s license test (10 years after getting my learner’s permit),
• and officially started moving out of my house (I should be done by Sunday), selling a lot of my furniture and clothing in the process.

This is one crazy time. Even though I’m sort of in limbo about “what’s next” right now, it feels good to be tackling these challenges. The fun summer plans–easy reading, touching up furniture, cooking new meals–will have to wait a little longer, and I can’t even upload photos right now, which is annoying, but soon I’ll be at my parents’ house again and probably in a more normal routine. I was right. 2011 is my year of action.

A Better Me

I found out about the 8 Weeks to a Better Me project through Cara-Mia, but given my poor track record with blog challenges, I mentally wrestled with it a bit. Blame laziness, flightiness, life getting in the way–whatever it is, I should probably not commit to anything blog-related that lasts more than a few days. That being said, I like the Week One challenge of coming up with three blogging goals. I can do that. I can do that right now, in fact. (No one said I actually have to accomplish them right? …Kidding.)

Home

I’m doing a take-home test tonight, but my mind is swirling. I still have a nearly impossible amount of writing to do by Thursday and I graduate Friday (assuming I get said work complete?). I wish my school deadlines didn’t extend so late into the month. I wish I had a little bit of time to decompress before graduating.

Meanwhile this week, potential tenants are coming to see my beloved house since my lease is almost expired. And as it’s such a busy time, the house is a wreck. I am just beginning to apply for jobs and don’t know where I’ll live next. It’s an incredibly stressful, unsettling time–when I’m in a bad mood, like I am today–and I suppose it’s an exciting time when I’m in a better mood. Ask me Friday. Maybe I will feel more optimistic then.

I was just thinking back to my previous apartment, in Tampa, which will always have a special place in my heart. It didn’t have the old-house charm like my current residence, it wasn’t in a fancy neighborhood, and it wasn’t decorated with as much oomph, but it was a peaceful, happy home. (Excuse the wonky sizing of the pictures.)

It was the first place I lived with Patrick. We still live together (for a month longer) but no longer as boyfriend and girlfriend.

I didn’t know many people in Tampa but that just gave it a sort of mysterious feel. I used to walk around by myself a lot admiring the nature around us. I loved having (two!) balconies that looked out over woods.

That tiny kitchen was the first I ever really tried cooking in. I got my DSLR while I lived there which allowed me to take pictures like I never had before, and I did, constantly. We got Herman while we lived there too, and I will always cherish the memories of his precious puppy days in that apartment.

Time flies. I still remember blogging about various moves in Orlando while I was in college, and then preparing for the move to Tampa, and then of course, to where I am now. And someday I will look back on this time with the same nostalgia that I always do.

LOL, Oh Grad School

It’s after 10 pm, and as I begin a huge assignment that’s due tomorrow, I have just come across a paper that I wrote for a class in the first two weeks of the grad program I am suddenly two weeks from completing. It’s sort of sad but funny to see just how far I have not come.

Rekindling the (Writing) Flame

In describing my relationship to writing, there are too many possible ways to begin; we share a passionate yet tumultuous history. I suppose I should skip the part where my first grade teacher allowed me to sit out during class lessons, encouraging me instead to cultivate my poetry and short stories. That I won first place in a local contest with the story of a princess who befriends her hero rather than marrying him doesn’t belong in a graduate level paper concerning academic writing. Yet I’d like to linger there a bit longer, savoring the memory of young love, when writing was fun, relaxed, and fulfilling, our bond not yet strained by the weight of high expectations, personal shortcomings, or outsiders seeking to control the terms of our relationship. Suffice to say somewhere along the way, those obstacles—those normal aspects of the education system—emerged, things cooled down, and the relationship became on-again, off-again, at times more serious than others but also never truly over. There’s been blogging, two years of consulting at the writing center, and a devastating failed honors thesis. Today, as a graduate student, I realize that it’s time we work out our differences and commit for the long run. That, or call it quits.

Sell Out

I am a lazy blogger.

In fact, I am quite sure that I will never consider myself a “blogger” because what I do is something far more haphazard than what bloggers do.

So I tried to change my crappy free WordPress theme to another, hopefully slightly less crappy, free WordPress theme, but after doing this, I realized the column where I post photos is narrower than the size of pictures I’ve been posting. Meaning all my previous photos, at least the horizontal ones, are now partially cut off. I’m trying to decide what, if any steps, I should take to remedy this. Because I’m feeling really, really lazy.* [Or does this shit even matter anymore since people started reading blogs through things like…Google Reader? Or Bloglovin’? I honestly still do not get how that stuff works, but realizing I had 105 subscribers in Google was a WTF moment for me as I estimated about 0.]

I haven’t been too lazy to waste time in other ways lately though. (Wait, does that sentence even make sense?)

I have, for example, started watching Six Feet Under, mostly just to fawn over Michael C. Hall. And last night I had a spur of the moment CVS trip that reminded me of my days in high school and early college when, about every two months or so, I’d splurge on a ton of new drugstore cosmetics. Last night I came away with new makeup and two boxes of L’Oreal Paris Sublime Mousse Hair Color (inadvertently in two different colors). I know. I had done the all-natural henna two months ago and was raving about it. Then my roots started to grow out. And the thought of working with that mud, leaving it on my hair for hours, and–here’s the kicker–smelling like hay for the next three weeks just sort of gave way to the comforting boxes of dye on display at CVS. Hair dye in a mousse, no less. Easier to apply than ever. Voila: a combination of medium and dark brown.**

I still have some henna and will probably use it up eventually, but for this weekend, I felt like a quick and easy change. This might be a bad thing, because I thought my days of impulsive hair change were over. And they probably should be.

As my mass following on Twitter knows (ha) other time-wasters this weekend have included perusing an excellent issue of Real Simple and watching makeup tutorials by Lisa Eldridge. I highly recommend both. Tomorrow I might venture down the street to the Spring Arts Festival, so who knows, maybe my camera will get some action again. I should shoot film like I’ve been wanting to for a while.

I suppose I will stop myself before I start talking about things like school and work and impending joblessness and homelessness…you know, the fun stuff.

*Okay, I confess that I would like to have a nice-looking blog one day.

**I actually thought my hair looked pretty glorious when I woke up this morning, but this picture was taken after my first attempt at The Bollywood Dance Workout with Hemalayaa which not only got me sweaty, but involved the excessive whipping of my hair back and forth. Perhaps attractive in the moment, less so afterword.

Inspiring Myself

It’s official: I’m defending my Master’s project this week, and considering that my “committee” is comprised of exactly one person, there’s little chance of anything going seriously wrong. I’m nervous but ultimately already feel a huge weight lifting off my shoulders. The semester is going to start winding down (actually, winding down usually involves first winding up, but at least the end is near). Soon I’ll be able to turn my attention back toward, well, myself. I am excited to put more effort into getting dressed in the morning again. To be active and creative. To go thrifting, (attempt to) refinish some old furniture, or at least do some spray painting. To go camping (anyone?), swim in the ocean, visit a new city. To take photos, test new recipes, try out that Bollywood dance DVD, make my own natural cleaning products, write letters…the old fashion kind…no, not email.

Lately I have been feeling that while there is so much beauty and creativity available for consumption via the internet and magazines–inspiration that can be and has been wonderfully life-changing–I long to inspire myself. To live my own inspiration. To experience, to create, to do. Not that I’m completely tuning out of all the sources I normally turn to for eye candy or recipes or decor ideas (I’m looking at you, Emily–I can’t believe I know this girl IRL). Just toning it down a bit until I’m ready to participate too.

Travel is still on my mind almost constantly. I haven’t yet decided what path to take when I graduate. Working abroad is something I continue to dream about. Taking a shorter international trip is a possibility. Or maybe it’s smarter to hunker down, search for a job, and go nowhere. Is the best compromise traveling within the US? I just don’t know. I keep come back to the thought of getting a temporary work visa for the Republic of Ireland (given that the UK is basically out of the question due to restrictions on similar visas). It seems financially risky but at the same time, if I don’t do it (or something like it) now–right after grad school, before starting a career (or, um, family?), and before student loan repayments begin–I probably never will. Sigh. Cue quarter life angst. BTW, a blog I’ve been LOVING–in part because of its honest discussion of said angst (here, for example) and its emphasis on travel–is The Wanderlust Project. On that note, travel blogs, that is, I am SO excited that Kay is finally in India!! and just as ecstatic to discover Lost in Cheeseland.

National Nutrition Month

I’ve accomplished some things I’m proud of since I left my parents’ home for college almost seven years ago. I’ve done well in school (and now graduate school), volunteered, landed some good internships, and picked up some new hobbies. But I also feel like I’ve limited my own life in a lot of ways. I’ve taken out huge amounts of student loans without having a good understanding of my finances, I never learned how to drive a car, I have only recently become interested in eating well, and I haven’t done any exercise outside of walking, other than a semester of yoga I did several years ago. I think those are four big things (and there are others) that have kept me from feeling independent, happy, healthy, etc. etc. And this year I’m really trying to take steps to address them.

So even I’m not very good at long-term blogging challenges or projects, but I’m pretty excited about National Nutrition Month. Between stepping up my emphasis on eating healthily and starting running (at this point, it’s mostly walking, a little running), I’m already feeling better despite having a very stressful semester, and I’d like to focus on those things more this month. I’ll also continue to take the driving classes I’ve been going to two nights a week, learn more about budgeting, and look into more options for traveling and even working abroad, since that has always been a dream of mine.

I mentioned in my last post that I just bought a single-serving blender, and I swear it has reinvigorated my morning routine. I’ve been making the most awesome smoothies, with everything from berries (all sorts), bananas, and peaches to spinach and avocado, and I always have almonds or walnuts on the side. For lunch I usually eat the Krishna lunch I’ve mentioned a million times (usually a large salad with smaller portions of beans and rice, and a vegetable dish), and I’m still working on healthy dinners. My goal is to eat less pasta and bread–particularly the non-whole grain sort, less butter and cheese, and less sugar. Because those are my weaknesses. My strengths are that I already don’t eat many processed foods, I enjoy cooking, I rarely drink anything other than water, and I’m a vegetarian (yes, I view this as a strength as long as I am a responsible veg).

Let National Nutrition Month commence!

More Inspiration

So I’ve still been writing a lot in my separate “writing blog,” where I’ve taken to sort of journaling regularly. Journaling, meaning writing about my feelings, whining about stress, talking about my successes and failures at keeping New Year’s resolutions, detailing the mundane facts of the day, like what I ate for breakfast. I just don’t feel like doing a lot of that here, in this space.

(Hey, but you do want to see this biscotti I made though, right?)

I had the link in a recent post but I took it down, though I’m happy to provide it to anyone who wants to read. I’m still deciding how much I want to say there, how much control I want over who reads it, that kind of thing. I mean, it’s boring. That’s really what it comes down to. Personal but boring.

In the meantime, and I hope it’s okay to post these, here are some photos from an Etsy shop I really like, Reduce Reuse Rewear by Coldfish. While I am constantly falling in love with single item like vintage dresses on Etsy, this vintage shop (as I think I’ve mentioned before) stands out to me because of its styling and I always come away a) loving the entire look, and b) feeling motivated to get more creative with my own wardrobe. Somehow it all seems very wearable; fun but without being limited to a certain style or era or being costumey.

I will say that I’m not buying anymore clothes until I focus on building my shoe collection a bit. I have a lot of items, both dressy and casual, that could benefit from a more complementary shoe, so that’s my fashion challenge these days. (Edited to add: Lies. All lies. I just bought an Anthropologie dress but it was both on sale and I had a gift card going toward the cost, so I felt at least somewhat justified.)

Anyway, here’s a selection from the shop:

Mind, Body,…

I’m kind of focusing on writing in another blog for now. We’ll see. Maybe I will change my mind and ditch it. I’ve been known to do such things. Just kind of going with the flow right now. Doing what my little heart desires.